Not As We

Trying to start fresh can be challenging at times, especially when you're not in a familiar niche and you're still living with your ex partner. It was hard at first because I felt like we were still attached at the hip (and no damn surgery could tear us apart). We didn't really have the chance to fully go our separate ways. Isn’t it tragic? Don't worry. I won't get all maudlin on you...yet.
So, there we were. Broken up, but not apart. We still lived together. We still slept in the same bed. And, yes, we still had sex (really hot sex!). I was in my comfort zone, and at times I felt like things hadn’t really changed (can you blame me?). I still cared for him and loved him, but it was difficult at times. I knew the clock was ticking and time was changing us every single day. How was I supposed to move on when we still shared a life that I didn't want to be a part of? I knew I needed my own space, but I wasn't sure what that would mean. Where would I find myself in this beautiful city by the bay?
Room hunting in San Francisco is ultra competitive, and I found myself becoming more and more discouraged with each passing day. The wide variety of ads was overwhelming. Requirements such as: extreme tree huggers, vegans, no alcohol or drugs, females only, clothing optional, no pets or parties, ageist, and 420 friendly folks was mind boggling. Where did I fit into all this mess? Then a bright spot! I managed to land an interview for a room for rent with five other gay men (can we say DRAMA??). There I was, sitting in their living room; surrounded. They were all staring at me like a piece of meat. As they all asked me individual questions, I could feel my hands getting clammy. I felt like I was a contestant on a cheesy game show hoping they would choose me over the other contestants. Unfortunately, I was not the “lucky winner,” which put me back in the market of rental roommate hell. Then a friend told me that I had to sell myself to land a room for rent. Sell myself? I pictured myself: a trashy hooker in high heel stilettos and fishnet stockings! Hi, I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm going to rent your room from you! Needless to say, I didn't hear from any of the ads I was applying to, but I wasn't ready to give up. I knew I would find a home and everything would fall into place (I’m just optimistic like that).
Meanwhile, my partner and were still having amazing-after-relationship-I-love-you-but-I-can't-be-with-you-hot-animal sex. Sometimes that's the best sex there is. I mean, who hasn't had amazing after relationship sex and thought this is the best sex we've ever had even during the relationship? You can raise your hands. No one will see you (unless, of course, you have a web cam). However, as amazing as the sex was (really amazing) we knew we had to move on sometime. At one point, we talked about seeing other people...DUM DUM DUM! And we handled it like two, mature, consenting adults (do those really exist in the 21st century?). We decided, for the sake of our break-up and our burgeoning independence that it was probably best if we branched out. So, he was casually talking with another guy, and I was doing the same. I wasn't actually ready to date other men yet, but he was talking with this other mystery man. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I was the one who insisted on it (mature, consenting adult, remember?).
This is the point where things started getting weird. He started gaining a real interest in this new guy and I became more interested in finding a place to live, because, interestingly enough, I found myself getting jealous. It pained me to think of him being with someone else, so I knew I had to kick it into high gear if I was to get out of my current (little piece of private hell) living situation. I tried to distance myself and create a wall between us while I was looking for a place to live. Hell, I even slept on the couch at times because I thought it was beneficial for the both of us. My ex didn't like it, but I insisted that it was for the best.

Finally, I took my friends advice and created a "10 Things You'll Like About Will" response to the rental ads that I was interested in. I was becoming desperate and I didn't know what else to do. Was I ever going to find a place, or the freedom, I deserved?And then the Heaven's cried with rejoicing Angel voices! I had found a potential roommate situation! It was a shared house with three lesbians in the Sunset District near the ocean and close to public transportation. The moment I stepped off that train and walked up to the house, I knew deep down that this would be the place that I would soon call home. After a few days, they contacted me and told me I was "the one". And with that I started my new adventure with The Lesbians. However, it required me to let go of the past I was still clinging to with both hands and grab hold of the present.