Modern Day Hauntings

It's been said that jack-o'-lanterns at one time might have been used to ward off evil spirits that roamed the nights aimlessly on All Hallows Eve. By carving a pumpkin that resembled a monstrous face, some people believed that they could elude any hauntings by these so called spirits. Whether or not this version of Halloweens folklore is the definitive on how to get rid of pesky spirits remains to be seen. It does, however, demonstrate what people are willing to do to appease their superstitions. I then realized that if jack-o'-lanterns could do that for ghosts and demons, then why not for modern day hauntings that terrorize you on a daily basis? Wouldn't it be wonderful if they could do the same for lingering ex boyfriends, the IRS, or even your archnemesis? It would also be most useful against those annoying churchgoing bible thumpers that try to coerce you into joining their religion because you need saving. If our problems could be solved so easily, I think therapists would seek another occupation because their clients would be well equipped to handle any situation with the help of a pumpkin!

Folklore aside, Halloween has been and will always be my favorite holiday (a little morbid, perhaps). The night is filled with all kinds of ghoulish activities that include, but not in this particular order: haunted houses, dressing up (and drag does count), watching horror movies, and candy galore. It was also the one day out of the year where I could dress up and embrace my inner freak. Interestingly enough, I always felt more at home behind the mask then I did in my every day, banal life. Now there's an interesting therapy session, wouldn't you say? "So tell me, Will, why do you like wearing the Wonder Woman get-up?" I would then try to articulate my reasoning with: "Have you ever tried this thing on? I feel so empowered, and fits like a glove! Plus, the lasso comes in real handy in the bedroom!" I don't think he would object to any of those things, do you?

It was my first official Halloween in the city, and I opted to play it safe and stay away from all the chaos on Castro Street (as tedious as that may sound), even though I was tempted to frolic in the streets. Instead, I was spending it with a guy I went out on a date with that previous week. His name was Brad, and we met online. He was tall, well educated, good looking and everything a man could ask for. But there was one itsy bitsy flaw (if you want to call it that) that didn't settle well with me. Yes folks, he was a gay Republican. You're probably wondering how and why. Yes, they do exist. No, they're not an endangered species, yet. He wasn't a supporter of Obama, and from our fist date I had a sneaky suspicion he wasn't in favor of gay marriage either. Danger Will Robinson, danger! I realize I should have called it quits after the first date, but I'm a firm believer in second chances. Maybe there was another side of him that I hadn't seen, or perhaps "what you see is what you get". Either way, I hopped on a bus and headed to Pacific Heights, hoping that he would prove me wrong.

Fortunately, I was running ahead of schedule because the bus managed to brake down halfway to my destination. I only sat there for a few minutes and realized I wasn't going anywhere, so I started to walk the rest of the way. But seeing as how I still wasn't too familiar with the city, I managed to get myself lost. And to make matters worse, it started raining. Seriously? This was beginning to play out like a cheesy horror B movie, and I was inevitably playing the damsel in distress. Instead of trying to find my way around, I called Brad and asked for directions again. He was more then happy to give them to me again. As a matter of fact, he insisted that he would meet me halfway. Normally, I would be ecstatic if any man told me he would meet me halfway for anything, but at that particular time I felt like the sky was falling (dramatic, I know). As I turned and started walking in the opposite direction, I realized that my Halloween was not getting off to a good start.

The rain came and went, but after a while of walking, I saw Brad off in the distance walking towards me. That turned my frown upside down. At that moment I briefly forgot about my perilous journey that brought me to this point, and as he approached I saw that he was wet from head to toe. Dry or wet, he still looked good!

I smiled, trying to hide my embarrassment. "Sorry, I got turned around. Whoever thought Pacific Heights could be so confusing?"

He snickered. "What part of my directions didn't you understand?" He looked at me with those deep, piercing blue eyes, and then he flashed his perfect white teeth. He seemed ever so charming and sincere. "Let's get going, I've got dinner in the oven."

Dinner in the oven? So far he was willing to meet me halfway and he had dinner in the oven. What more could a guy ask for? Hot sex? I couldn't help but feel that this wasn't Brad I met just a few days ago. Maybe this was a cloned doppelganger? Or perhaps his body got abducted by body snatchers? I would even venture to say that this might be his identical twin brother, who was a Democrat! But in the back of my mind I couldn't shake the feeling that his true Republican rhetoric would eventually find it's way into our conversation.

Soon enough, we arrived at his charming two bedroom apartment in Pacific Heights. The apartment was warm and cozy, and as we made our way to the kitchen I could smell the roast that was in the oven. He had also made some appetizers and dessert. A girl could get use to this kind of life! He poured me a glass of wine and we drank to a more pleasant and dry Halloween.

When the roast was done, we made our way to the couch, popped in Big Trouble in Little China (with a very young Kim Katral) and ate our dinner. He seemed more approachable this time around and not as caustic. This second date was turning out to be, by comparison, much better then our last one. Good food, good wine (already on a second bottle!), and surprisingly good company. It felt like one of those nostalgic San Francisco nights where everything was falling into place and things could only get better. But I still couldn't help but feel that Brad had lured me into his parlor to brainwash me with conservative propaganda. I half expected Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin to be lurking under the bed or in a closet ready for the chance to recruit me to the dark side! But don't worry, I was my best guard and kept my defenses up. They weren't going to recruit this homo! All joking aside, Brad was a perfect gentleman throughout the whole evening, and he didn't once embark into Republican territory.

Towards the end of the movie he pulled me closer to him, and the next thing I knew we were both spooning on the couch. After a while of snuggling, he kissed me ever so softly, and I returned his kiss. If Jeopardy had a category for best kissers his name would definitely be listed under it. In fact, I would qualify him as a Daily Double! After a while of kissing and heavy petting, we decided to call it a night and head to his chamber (but alas, no slings or whips).

Normally in the gay world dinner was just another euphemism for sex, but this evening was an exception. For whatever the reason, we didn't have sex that night. We spent it canoodling in his bed watching The Simpsons. When we did go to bed, the snuggling continued throughout the night, and occasionally I would feel him kiss me on the shoulder. Like I said, he was the perfect gentleman. There was no sign of Sarah Palin lurking under the bed or hiding in the closet, for that matter. In fact, I think she was more afraid of us then I was of her. The idea of two men sleeping together half naked probably sent her running back to Alaska. That, or she's a dirty soccer mom and recorded us and watched it when her husband wasn't home...

I woke up to the sound of rain on the window, and I looked around and almost forgot where I was. I rolled over and realized that Bard was not lying next to me. Now this is the part in the movie where you find out they left in the middle of the night.But seeing as how I was at Brad's place, I highly doubt that happened. I sat up and and found him rummaging through his closet. he seemed irritated and frantic.

"I slept through my alarm. I'm running late for work." That was it? No hello and definitely no good morning. Maybe he just wasn't a morning person?

I tried to change the subject. "I had a great time last night."

"Yeah, me too." Except his tone didn't really reveal his conviction. After that he said nothing and left the room to take a shower.

The room suddenly got cold, and I felt as if I had overextended my stay. I sat there on the bed wondering why the sudden change. Maybe I was just overreacting and he had a lot on his mind. Or perhaps now that Halloween was over he decided to take off his mask and show his true colors. Revenge of the Republican has returned! He entered the room again and I reached to touch him, but he wasn't responsive. In fact, he was cold and distant.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just running late." I didn't buy it. Like a typical Republican he was begging the question.

I got dressed and the lingering silence was unbearable. We said goodbye (and no Jeopardy kiss), and I walked to the bus stop feeling like I had been kicked to the curb. I attempted to make some sign of interest by telling him I'd like to see more of him again, but he said he wasn't sure if he had time to date because he was so busy with his job (ouch, that's gotta hurt!). I hadn't heard from him in about a week, and then by chance (if that's what people are calling it these days) I ran into him on the subway. He seemed cheery and friendly like the evening on Halloween. This time I was cold and distant, and I pretended I had somewhere to be (way to play the game, Will!). He sent me a text message apologizing for the other night and said I'm a sweet guy and a good kisser. A good kisser? A few days after that I ran into him again (San Francisco is a small world) on Market Street just coming out of the subway. He attempted the same friendly dialogue with me again, but I was growing tired of trying to decipher his cryptic conversations. And then the next thing that came out of his mouth was predictable and cliche: he just wanted to be friends. I declined, but he seemed upset that I wouldn't at least make an attempt to be friends.

Funny thing about San Francisco is that you always run into the people you don't want to see or you're trying to deliberately avoid. So, instead of trying to worry about running uncomfortable encounters, I decided to take matter into my own hands. That night when I got home, I carved my own jack-o'-lantern (even though Halloween had passed) and put it outside my front door in hopes that it would keep away the bad Republican man away. I waited, and after a month had passed I didn't bump into on the streets. As a matter of fact, I wasn't haunted by him at all, even to this very day. Never underestimate the power of the pumpkin!