If you could wrap marriage into one neat little package, what would you call it? Love, commitment, trust, security, entrapment? Is marriage nothing more then just a legal, binding piece of paper, or is it a sacred religious ceremony that bond two people together for the rest of their life (or at least until they get tired of each other)? I've seen couples get married for all the wrong reasons, yet they still walk down the isle of uncertainty and hope that it will solve all of their problems. Some people settle, some are lonely, some are married with children, and some are high school sweethearts. And if you thought getting married to one person was daunting enough, try being in a polygamous marriage! On the other hand, some people aren't suited for marriage; they're better off alone, or perhaps they just can't commit to one person for the rest of their life.
While some people claim that the institution of marriage is too antiquated, I do feel it has somewhat adapted to a new and ever changing world. The media, for example, has taken marriage and put a modern spin on it. Have we glamorized and commercialized marriage to the ground with TV shows such as Bridezillas, The Bachelor, and The Marriage Ref? I've heard of marriage counseling, but on public television? Is marriage the car that is perpetually stuck in the slow lane, or are we just going to fast? I don't claim to be an expert on marriage whatsoever because I come from a family full of failed marriages. I've never been married, and I've always found myself going back and forth as to whether or not I could take on that kind of responsibility. My grandparents, on the other hand, have been married for 60 plus years, and they are still dedicated to each other to this very day. However we try and define marriage there is one thing I am certain of: marriage is a deep and profound commitment between two people that will forever change the course of their lives.
But all my ideas and notions of marriage were challenged in the fall of November of 2008. It was the year that Barack Obama was elected President of the United States, and the world felt a sense of renewed hope for our country. It was also in that same year that the people of California decided that marriage should only between a man and woman. I remember only a month before the election all the controversy and political fervor that San Franciscans felt in regards to Prop 8. There were marches, peaceful demonstrations, and a myriad of sings that advocated marriage equality for all people. Everywhere you looked, there were people in support of gay marriage, and they made their voices heard in whatever way they could. I was inspired and in awe of the number of people that came forward and made themselves heard, whether it was in a large march down Market Street or a peaceful sit down demonstration in the Castro.
About a week before the election, my past was catching up to me once again. I received an e-mail from my ex-partner (whom I was with for seven years), and he revealed to me that he got married to a guy that he was dating for only three months! I couldn't believe my eyes. I read the e-mail over and over again in disbelief. Why couldn't he tell me in person? Was this really happening? We had only been separated for six months before I had moved to the city and now he's married? (Can you hear my voice getting louder?) Now lets cue the water works! I could hear the melodramatic music playing in the background as I kept pacing back, and forth crying. We were together for seven years and we both agreed that marriage wasn't something we were interested in, but then I started wondered if it was just me he didn't want to get married to. I suddenly felt like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally when she found out that her ex married some random woman. And yes, I practically had the same emotional breakdown as her. The only difference is that I didn't sleep with a charming and witty Billy Crystal.
I picked myself up off the ground and tried to brush myself off (and that was a big feet). So I did the one thing that any mature adult would do: I called him to congratulate him and his new husband. Yes, I did offer my worlds of pseudo happiness; however, I also told him that I couldn't see or speak to him because it was too hard for me to digest at that particular time. Perhaps in the near (or not too near) future. I was proud of myself even though it hurt like hell. That last week prior to the election I walked around San Francisco like a zombie, lifeless and devoid of any emotion. And when it finally came down to entering that election booth, I was faced again with the reality of my ex partners new marriage. There I was staring at the Prop 8 ballot. I stood there for a few minutes even though I knew I was going to vote no. I finally filled in the box that said NO and walked back home.
That night Barak Obama did win the Presidental election, and the world was ecstatic and overfilled with optimism. There was a huge celebration in the Castro for Obama's victory; the streets were closed and filled with people cheering with the rest of the U.S. But San Francisco's victory was bittersweet because we also found out that Prop 8 had passed. All those people who came to San Francisco to have their marriage validated was now taken from them. We became second class citizens. I was saddened and shocked beyond all beliefe that this could happen, but at the same time I knew it would only be a matter of time before we would win finally win this battle. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but our day will soon come. Until then we'll keep on fighting.
Wonderful. Love you.
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